Financially In Love?

Let’s talk money in a family setting. And not black tax, but with the family you have chosen for yourself!

On the list of what you look for in a partner, we often leave out the financial qualities. The most we talk about finances is the transactional aspect. Does he/she give you money, does he/she spend on you, is he/she generous with you? All the other stuff to do with their relationship with money, their view of money, their plans and such are not that important, right?

Finances are one of the leading causes of separation — right up there with intimacy. And not because there’s no money, but because of trust, priorities, and how money feels to each person.

Often, we don’t focus on money from the beginning, and then things start to add up slowly. The fact that red flags camouflage well when dating makes it even harder. It’s cute at first that they always take care of family, until you realise your joint savings keep disappearing because your partner can’t set boundaries with family requests. Or you admire their hustle, only to discover you’re competing with their job for attention. 

Money means different things to different people — for some, it’s validation, for others, it’s control. You know how we say money changes people? It all has to do with their relationship with money. Someone who finds validation in money will have self-worth problems without it. Another who sees money as power might leave their day ones just because money gives them access to ‘better’. Oh, and the people who become seemingly depressed or even violent when they don’t have money? 

I think the saddest though, is realising you don’t see eye to eye on money and life generally. This sometimes looks like having different money priorities or goals. Don’t get me wrong, I think two people who decide to do life juntos (Spanish for together!) shouldn’t be similar. They should complement each other, you know! Like the weaknesses of one are the strengths of the other, and vice versa. More so when money is concerned, you want to have a good balance. To pair someone who can spend money with another who likes to save up. Or one that can be a workaholic with another that knows how to rest and enjoy life. 

Back to your list! What financial qualities do you want in a partner? Also, what do you want to be to your partner, financially? When they think of you and then money, how do you want them to feel? I heard a description that resonated the most from a movie character. He said that before meeting his wife, he was already wealthy, but his wife helped to grow his wealth extensively! 

Also, many people will tell you: your life partner is very much a business/ financial decision. So choose wisely!! If you have already chosen, Yaaay!! These are all things you and your significant other can work through.

Before I lose my ADHD buddies, that’s it from me! Stay tuned for the next post on being financially in love!