Daydreamers Gather Here!!

When I started writing this post, I was trying to be as vague as possible because how was I coming here to say that I may have maladaptive daydreaming? How was I coming on here to say that I might be using it as an escape?

The other day, while scrolling on TikTok, I came across this girl who was talking about daydreaming. The caption on the video was ‘How the devil introduces you to spirits through daydreaming’. As a serial daydreamer, I had to listen to her and wueeh! 

Okay! Serial is a bit overboard, but I daydream a lot and, to be honest, it is quite entertaining. If you are like me, you create scenarios in your head of possible events and occurrences. You get so involved that when someone interrupts your thoughts (I mean talks to you), it feels disturbing. The most interesting part is when you go back to your fantasy, you start from where you left off - I even go back to edit certain things that I find boring.

I know that part of my daydreaming comes with being a creative and a writer. I even started documenting them as stories because what else could they be? But even then, I wanted to know more about daydreaming and, more specifically, maladaptive daydreaming (MDD). 

I found that I daydream about specific things, in specific situations and for different reasons. There have been times when I have daydreamed purely for entertainment, but more often than not, it has been MDD.

This is how it happens, I could be standing in line at the stage waiting for a bus, and then I start to randomly think of myself in my own car, driving at my own pace and enjoying good music while at it - pretty harmless, right? Or I could be struggling to get something done - like opening my milk jar - and then I create the perfect scenario in my head where I have a husband who helps me. 

I also find that I daydream more when listening to music or watching movies. This one is weird! I could be listening to a song and find myself trying to perform it in my head, or even recreating the storyline in the video. Or when I am watching a movie, I’ll start thinking about how perhaps a different line/ word would have made a big difference. Being a serial movie repeater doesn’t help with this, as there are movies whose lines I have learnt by heart. 

The first person to colour me lonely was my nutritionist, whom I haven’t seen the whole of this year! He said I eat less when I’m alone, which is most of the time, compared to when I’m around people, because I’m lonely and it was affecting my eating habits! I honestly thought he was mad. After further research on MDD, I am starting to see that he was not entirely wrong. Lately, I get home, get a change of clothes and immediately put on music or a movie. When I search deeper, I don’t think it’s the entertainment I am after. It feels as though it gives the illusion that I have company. As someone who has always found peace in solitude, these are very raro (Spanish for weird) grounds! Other times I will literally just create conversations in my head. I don’t even realise I’m doing it until I start to have real-life reactions to these unreal conversations. 

I didn’t realise until now that gifting is among my top love languages. Curious about how I discovered it? I have had countless daydreams that have me in positions where someone is gifting me something, and I have to decline the gift. The gift could vary in size and value, but I’d still decline it, and they’d insist. Most times, it ends with me having no other option but to accept it. On further self-evaluation, I realised that I think of gifting as a love language as very materialistic and even thought of materialism as an undesirable trait, which it is not!

My daydreaming has not been all bad. There are things I have learnt about myself from daydreaming. It has given me a clearer understanding of the things that I like and don’t like, it has challenged my way of thinking on certain things and helped me get in touch with my subconscious. It has been entertaining and helped me escape get through some tough times.

For some people, daydreaming is just something they do for entertainment, but for the majority, it is an unconscious escape from an undesirable reality or a reflection of deeper underlying needs like admiration, validation and even love.

From my research, there are 3 indicators of when daydreaming becomes maladaptive. One, it takes up a significant portion of your time. Two, it interferes with your real life. Lastly, it becomes obsessive! If you find any or all of this to be true for you, then it may be time to seek help! Here is a sample MDD test, if you are curious!

Oh, I’m still debating whether or not to share the stories I’ve written from my daydreaming!